Thursday, September 15, 2005


When you try to be different, to do something different, differently.. .the reactions and feed backs of those closest to you are very interesting and enlightening.,,!!

more on this later..... lessons learnt must be blogged for future refereces and comic reads!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Blogging after a long time... i guess there is something vulnerable about journelling all you are thinking/ going through... tho'popular opinion has it that jounalling is therapeutic and healing.... i don't know..... but, i guess it feels like a life worthy if its worth getting recorded...

Let's see.... this is not a good time... upheaval - chaos - confusion - erfect ingredients for sending me into a depression/ making me feel low....
Now, heres the interesting part - i have learned that all humans have a natural cycle with highs and lows... so some people go through a rough time no matter what at a certain point of time each year, and it is the same ime each having learned this, i looked by at my past - and realised.... JULY and AUGUST are the weak links for energies are low.... no reaon..just low....and it affects... and it is the same each year...

i have realised most things are greater than you are... you cn just TRY and LIVE the BEST LIFE you can... but it is difficult.. some days more so....

ok... venting now: how DARE people try n use me...n then be upset when i refuse to play along... Uffff!!!! just cause i am straightforward and dont try to put u all down does not mean i am stupid! or even willing to go along for the ride...i may play..but not run around the proverbial trees... thank you very much!

heeheee...ok, that felt good... so maybe there is some grain in the journalling being healing therapy bit!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Thoughts on opportunities + free verse!

How come things just change suddenly? your day is going fine, n then poof!!! your boss says something nasty/ demeaning n u plunge into uncertainty, your stomach starts churning n your head starts hurting!!! I wonder, is there a name for such a management style?

Sometimes, opportunities come to you while you are sitting at home! n u dont (can't? - does it matter?) catch it immedietely and process (!) coz u dont hv the time!!!! - - now, this is what i call an ironic twisted reality... when opportunity comes calling, and you are busy/ circumstance bound....etc....the point is, 1 gets to it asap, but is asap the right way to approach and take care of an opportunity? n what when your asap is not soon enough ???

I wonder do we even realise how many times, and how many opportunities we have missed/ have passed us by coz of our own foolhardiness... coz while we were being responsible and taking care of our circumstance (or is it perspective?) bound existence, we perhaps were sightless and the opportunity just sat there, or went on by on it's merry way unsighted/ unseen and (definitely) unforeseen!!!

Oh! merry are those days of innocence...
where every castle is perfect (sand or air)
every pie baked is golden
and every time
your heart takes flight
it doesnt wonder just wanders...

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Excerpt - Oprah's cut with Maya A

An excerpt from an Oprah interview with Maya Angelou:
(sometimes you find gems - even when u r not consciously looking!)

MA: Because that person is not reliable. She may not know it, but modesty speaks volumes about falseness.
O: Pretending.
MA: Lying.

O: I once heard you say, "If you want to liberate someone, love them."

MA: That's it. Not be in love with them—that's dangerous. If you're in love with your children, you're in their lives all the time. Leave them alone! Let them grow and make some mistakes. Tell them, "You can come home. My arms are here—and my mouth is too." Tell them, "I'm going to leave you alone. You want to listen to rock and rap? Well, I think it's stupid, but help yourself." When you really love them, you don't want to possess them. You don't say, "I love you and I want you here with me." Naturally, if you love somebody, you do want to see their face every now and again, but that's not a condition of your love. People often get possession mixed up with love, and they say, "If you really loved me, you would call me." How—when life is going on? I think of you all the time, and the thought of you always lifts my spirits. But I'm not right at the phone! O: Have you been able to manage that kind of love even in romance? MA: It's hard, but I do it—and I don't know how. When I love somebody, I like him to be around; I like him to take me out to dinner; I like to look at the sunset with him. But if not, I love him and I hope he's looking at the same sun I am. Loving someone liberates the lover as well as the beloved. And that kind of love comes with age. Some of this wisdom came to me after I was 50 or 60.

O: What's the best age?

MA: Seventy-two! The seventies are hot.

Monday, June 13, 2005

june 13 - a'noon!

you go all the way somewhere... to realise the purpose you went for is missing... sometimes coz of you.. sometimes coz of someone else!..either ways its a useless trip you have made...or is it?
or is there learning in the journey too.... philosophically Yes!.. but i wonder.... what is there to learn in a regular trip to mother dairy to pick up some milk???
I wonder, whether there is'nt any point or that the point eludes me?!!!!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

WHY do you hate living beings?

Animals... are wonderful beings.. they are part of our eco-system, our companions, and for many part of our families, yet, people find justification for ill - treating them, hunting them, killing them and then eating them!

I have seen many a family who keeps pets, dogs, cats, even birds, and then mechanically, without probably thinking, eat eggs and meat this not hypocrisy???

I guess when u have grown up eating something and u r used to it.. it is a difficult habit to leave... but isnt it actually as simple as making a decision.... to not be a non-vegetarian....and then being disciplined enough to stick with your decision...

this is offcourse an old debate, one i have had many a time over with many a friends... they r still my friends offcourse, but somewhere i have started wondering what kind of people are we, that we knowingly do a wrong (my perspective!) , and then find ample justification and excuses for it!
I have yet to come across a non-vegetarian who atleast has the guts to say, 'yes, this is wrong, and fine, i am choosing to be a non-vegetarian nonetheless'..... but, i guess when one eats so many guts, its hardly surprising if one's own guts are indistinguishable!

WHY is it so difficult to live and let live... why must we kill.... does being human, and having the sharper tools/ weapons give us the right to kill.... who elected man God? howcome you get to decide which animal will live or die.. but we will not take a stand on anything (else?) important....

one reads a lot about opinions floating around about how a rapist should be served justuce.... but no one tries to play God and actually make a decision.... whereas this is a serious issue as well... and surely we as humans are more concerned about other humans... our mothers/ daughter/ sisters etc than other animals!!!

but does anyone get up and take a stand... nope.... does one try to be politically correct... absolutely!!!!

it saddens me to realise that we are a group of educated (!!!! another over-rated virtue) people, who have an opinion on everything, but belief in nothing!

one does not have to do great actions to show his belief.... even small things make a difference.... boondh boondh se banta hein samundar (drop by drop becomes a river/sea) i believe....

So, I stand and make a decision, stand by my belief and don't waver in the face of ridicule or pressure by my colleagues or friends or any others.... doesnt mean i have great resources of determination or perseverance... just that i have thought about it and find no justification in being a non-vegetarian.... or in ill-treating or allowing the mis-treatment of others.... animals, which includes us HUMBLE mammals as well!!!!

Is it so difficult not to eat an egg... if its for the protein... drink milk!
is it so difficult to stop your car and honk, so the animal (dog/ cow/ goat) will get out of your way.... if its coz you are in a hurry.... well, leave home 5 mins earlier!
is it so difficult to be kind to another person... if its your ego.. .go to the psychiatrist!

and if you do it to keep the balance.... well be balanced first.... think and then decide.... being NICE and FAIR are not victorian virtues to read about and show off as traits one has, but actual attitudes/ actions one must and ought to try out.....

please do think about it... if you make a change even once.. it will make a difference to a life somewhere... perhaps you may have spared a life, or made one more day easier for someone, somewhere....!


a change in attitude

Recently i have found that my attitude has changed... what it has done is made life a lot more interesting and fun... i am more balanced.... i am persuing many of the things which interest me.. .which earlier i shied away from on some pretext or the other.....

one notices many more things... one's perspective is more crystal.... one is able to de-stress faster....n one dreams in technicolor...

I am GLAd that i have changed into this person... i rather like me....

(with my latest interest: Beer)

Monday, June 06, 2005

anonymity of days...

A day - 24 hours... it just passes by and one is clueless where the day went... somedays, one enjoys the anonymity of days that seem to merge into one... a routine which is so similar, that unless one and the people around didnt wear different clothes, I atleast for one would not know the difference in the calender days... somedays, i enjoy the mindlessnes.. but always such a schedule is nuts... its make me want to shout and pull my hair out... ouch! ouch! well, ok, maybe not pull my own hair.... but perhaps my boss's will do ;-)

so, I have now found a good way to break the monotony and exercise the brain - this is by reading BLOGs... earlier i would read whoevers blog i would come across... but now i read mostly of people that i know... turns out it makes the reading more relevant nd interesting....

It is funny, how something u have been thinking off n u come across a similar topic touched upon by another... i came across annie's blog which spoke of among other things, corporate experience women in particular face.. n the truth is... lately i have come across some (?) segregation if not quite discrimantion @ work.... n the odd thing is ppl have all sorts of justification for their behaviour.....

what is bugging is when you are in the course of your work asking someone something.. and they take affront to it!!! for heaven's sake - this is work... not personal! bah!

In the morning i remember thinking when u r looking for something, the chances r high u will find it... but how does one explain a bad day? a stressful day? a bad experience??? or even better than expected experience? a fabulous day?


Wednesday, June 01, 2005

27 May - 31-May...

I have had HECTIC but so totally fun filled days over the last 4 days.... I feel i must capture the details and feelings before they fade away behind the mists of a forgetful memory... which unfortunately i do have....

so this is going to be a long entry.. n probably a boring read for others... so if you are reading this.. u just might wanna give it a skip n wait till i write a humorous piece!

I wonder.. how long will I continue to Blog.... what purpose does it serve anyway???

ok.. to begin: 27th May... my b'day... was out the entire day.... went window shopping with Anki to Tanishq no less.. n recvd my 1st bday present there :-)
n then went shopping.... got some more presents...met with lots of my friends through most of the day.... i pretty much permanently stationed myself at my favourite coffee shop... lots of my friends had something to say about THAT... but i felt like saying... hey, when it's yr b'day u pick the venue... this is mine... so boo!

what did become clear, tho' painful it is to vocalize and accept it... it is this, most of my friends..have nt got the 1st clue about what to give me as a present.... whic makes me wonder: is it that they dont know me.. not really ... or they just dont have the time, or inclination to figure out what would be most appropriate for me/ i would enjoy!!! now, I believe if you are gonna do something do it right.... so atleast the other person will get some mileage out of it.. but just giving empty words n wishes n an inapproprite gift.... which if they had thought about it they would realise... well just made a mockery of the gift-giving ceremony... n then offcourse there are some who see no point in the ceremony... .well i guess i am still a little girl at heart..especially when it comes to my birthday.. coz i wanted the gift wrapped, decorated with ribbons presents with beautiful cards.... no one ... NO ONE!! bothered to give me a bday card......
hmmm.... there... i am DONE venting...!!!

now the good parts..... saw the cutie agn!!! exchanged hi's n smiles.... v. sweet n completely straightforward..but gave a rosy tint to the sunny (sweaty!) afternoon!

had a FUN n good time with all me friends.. felt real special too!!!
my aunt offcourse had to call n after wishing me n all.. asked how old i was... wonder why she asks this every year? does she expect i will defy regular mathematics? ?? n then for the 1st time in my short life i heard about how NOW it was time for me to get married n settled et all...... i initially thought i misunderstood what she said... coz legally i could have been married the day after 18! n then i just tried to get out of the conversation asap coz here i was sitting in the middle of my friends making party n fun plans .. n my aunt goes all victorian on me!... Uffff!

28th May - went to work... cant remember what happened.... but then no news is also good news.. .especially in my line! .... off course everyone wanted to know what i had been upto y'day... blah blah!

now, sunday.... here's an INTERESTING DAY..... 28th May 2005....
missed my class.... wanted to sleep just this one sunday :-) ...

now...being a girl... clothes are a favourite n fascinating pastime! so i FINALLY went across to Poonam aunty's n saw lovely clothes.... choose some n left the designing to mum... now mum offcourse went later n cancelled the order for this lovely (black and white... seemed like a chinese painting) saree i wanted... i think it might be the influence of learning about haikus....tho' thats from japan... but to the uninitiated, violet n lavender are the same! not that thats any excuse.. but it just reminded me of landscapes in chinese/ japanese paintings n i wanted it... n well, that's a good enough reason to get it :-).... well tho' i am gonna call up aunty dear n tell her i want it anyway.....ohh... i am soo excited... new suits, tops, a saree.... my wardrobe is about to get a smart overhaul... n after a long time i indulged in the freedom of 100% my choice, based on my liking... for a time back then i operated from what others wanted me to be / look/ wear etc... now to be taking back my freedom, even in such irrelevant ways (or is it?) is very empowering!

4pm saw me running late for the caferati meet... I was surprised to see so many people turn up.. tho' this was just my second meet.... yet, well the 1st had been a more small n intimate group... in this one i couldnt even see everyone's faces!!!!
it was interesting.. the food as usual made it more of a feast/kitty party that just a read meet... tho' i loved it so i do hope they dont change it! but, in the afternoon having cakes n dhokla over cold coke did make me drowsy... but i heard it all... n the feedbak/ inputs are still going around in my head.....
I for the 1st time READ my OWN pieces in a gathering... i have before shared very rare, not very illuminating verses with people i was close to... but this time i shared some personal pieces... didnt really get much of a feedback except that i have a good voice (coz, inspired from Anita i had written my 1st ever 1 para song, which i then proceeded to SING.... )... Rekha was probably just being nice... but it was heartening.... tho i was sooo nervous... it was quite embarrasing to be shaking like a leaf... n those that know me know that i am no lightweight leaf!
tho' i have put it on the network so i do hope to finally get some feedback on my 2 pcs!
had to leave early.... didnt like that... nor liked the way my frnd Viv spk to me just coz viv was in a hurry... i mean why cant ppl leave on time if they wanna be someplace on time... n then if u r late for some reason.... however valid..surely getting mad at me is not the solution.. or does it make the roads shorter? didnt like it 1 bit... made me want to be in a place where i didnt have to ask any1 for a transport favour!
i think for the 1st time i literally begged some1 for a book... n well finally managed to convince Richa to lend me Maya Angelou's collected autobiography.... of 11oo odd pages..... its interesting but soo heavy to hold.. n then i am soo afraid that it will get a lil dirty or get a dog hair on it or something...n Richa will so totally kill me... so i am treating it like a lil princess...!!!! well, now that i think about it the way i have been treating the book is actually funny...!!! i myself would go n sit anywhere in the house.. but if i am reading the book, i actually check if the table has any dust! Duh!!!

went to the party.... i think Garima did a good job... i REALLY wonder WHERE does this girl get all the energy n enterprise to do so many things... n never lose her smile n good humour... this i must ask her!

i think AM's project is also worth investigating some more!

offcourse, had a blast there... danced like crazy... had fun with shami, jaya n hunu, n offcourse garima n all the other ppl..... Nrn spoilt the fun.. but only for a bit.. .but then i bounced back after cooling my heels.....n offcourse all that chilled beer helped!

bumped into a few ppl frm the caferati meet there.... Raj gave me some feedback (finally! someone thought i n my work was worth taking out a few mins n talking abt ) which was very encouraging n well.... i do hope i write more stuff .. which is good.....

30-May - Monday
playing with hair color - interesting experience... both in terms of how it changed my looks n the response from people... known and strangers alike.. offcourse it helps that all was good!

did i mention... late nights... something i have not done before... on these instances i felt such a thrill..being grown up n ohhh la laa!

saw my 1st STAR WARS movies... very interesting.... n ved is right.... the imagination these guys hv n hv used so brilliantly is amazing... i mean the details n the story... cool... now i want to see the others in the series too!

been drinking lots of coffee these days ....tried some different flavours too.... how daring i am becoming!

Oh god! this has been such a lengthy exercise.... !!! phew... i hope i got it all down....

Saturday, May 28, 2005

hectic days...travelogues...

Hectic days... filled with lots of activity... does it represent a full life or just a busy life... I guess the difference is what the person feels for the activity... some are just things that need doing.. some are things that one enjoys doing... either ways one is in a state of activity...which is wonderful, except that these days i am looking for some peace and quiet...some ME time to just laze around n do nothing except maybe listen to some music, oil my hair and read a book....

Travelogues - my latest discovery and love.... they are a wonderful way of exploring a new place and the people, traditions and the very culture which saturates the place.... while reading I feel like I am the author for i feel as if i am living the written words.... this is a tribute to both the author and offcourse to a sensitive reader such as me! heheheeeee :-0

I hope to start writing of my days... in a reflective, humourous light.. so that I may look back n relive the wonder of my days... like reading a well written book of someone's life... which is funny, earthy and real.... and I hope my story will emerge!!!!

Friday, May 27, 2005

27th...1st 2 hrs

well, another year has begun... to say the last 2 hours (it's 2 am) have been very exciting is an exagerration, but they have not been bad... just about everyone on my ops floor came n wished me :-) n my bosses took me to the cafeteria for snickers... yummy... sweet of them to take me for chocolates and a walk... n we gossiped... heheee... i didnt think I was a gossiper... but i do so love a good story!!!!

Finally, worked up the courage n told gm what i'd like from him.... poor soul... i dont think he quite knew what hit him... but it was soo totally hilarious to see his expressions... if something comes of it.. i think i will have good fun!!!!

Good calls from some expected friends... was not expecting Narain would call, i didnt think he'd even remember! but cute guy called me n wished n all.... so did madhulika... n thn off course i gave her phone call to all the other TL's n AM n mgr to wish her too... she was cursing me coz it ran up her bill.. n i guess she was justified in wanting the ppl to call n wish her... but i think she shld just b happy that she got soo many was funny too.... n surprisingly sushant knew it was my bday n called too.. n posted msg too on ryze!

taru, garima, abhishek all sent sms's on the dot!

am very happy that the year started with me LAUGHING....lots of laughter...n i am still smiling 2 hours later...

excited abt trow evening... lets see what happens.. n if anything happens with that cafe cutie!!!

oh my god... i am becoming sooo naughty.... though it doesnt hurt that others initiate and reciprocate!!!!

to say that today i am in a better place in life i think is a fair and accurate statement... n to say that i can FEEL and SEE my life improving a very accurate prediction of life from now on....

God Bless... and to lovely days n moments ahead!!!!




Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Gratitude: May 10th

I feel grateful for:

not losing hope, being couragous, and creating a list of TO DO for this year too....

for being in a position already to tick off some of the items on my list as completed/ in progress!!! n i am only into the 5th month of the year!

WOW....its GREAT to know i am doing so many of the things i wanted to, and moving towards realising some of my dreams !!!

... now i want to start blogging more often too.. i am sure at the rate i a going this will happen soon!!!!


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Gratitude - 4 - April-2005

i feel gratitude for:
finally finding the courage to buy my comp, that i hv bn dreaming abt.... not making a compromise on the quality, but having the courage to live on a string for some more time to make a dream come true....
for thinking about standing up for myself at the possible cost of another dream...
for being 'ok' with being alone .... for today....
for having dreams.....
for :-)

Sunday, March 06, 2005

gratitude Blog...


Latest thing i hv learnt : A GRATITUDE BLOG............should update it daily... well will try..i am sure it will be an interesting uplifting, optimistic exercise :-)